I knew something was terribly wrong. I was incredibly tired; I had large, swollen lymph nodes under my arms and throughout the groin area. I did not feel “right”. I was dismissed by several doctors…at 40…the words depression, anxiety, and perimenopause were tossed around. An oncologist friend ordered a PET scan to allay my fears. A PET scan lights up in areas that have increased activity. I was lit up like a Christmas tree (unfortunately, it was July). So much for depression and menopause.

When I heard the words “Stage IV lymphoma” I began to plan my funeral. I literally went into my closet and wept. I did not want my children to know. I wanted to spare them the worry and angst. I did not want to tell friends either. As if keeping quiet would make it not be true. I had always been a very independent “take charge” person. I did not want them to see me differently. I did not want things to change, but God wanted me to change.

CHASING PEACE

I turned to Joel Osteen’s book/daily devotional, Your Best Life Now. I read the affirmations of healing, God’s word, and God’s promises. I got down on my knees, physically and spiritually. A dear friend gave me a book—God’s Promises for You, by Dr. Charles Stanley. This book helped me to understand my position. I stopped relying on my own strength. God brought me to a place where I was completely helpless. I was exactly where I needed to be.

The more time I spent down on my knees in prayer, the more I was overtaken by peace. I had been chasing peace for many, many years yet it was through this journey that I would find it. During one particular prayer time, I became so full inside that I cannot find adequate words to describe it. I believe I became filled with the Holy Spirit. The only thing that came to mind was “my cup runneth over”. While that is not an experience that occurs for me with regularity, it is an experience that (even if only felt once) leaves a glorious and permanent mark. Trust in Him—you are not alone.

I AM NOT SICK

Cancer is a diagnosis. It is not who I am. When people ask “What kind of cancer do you have?” I word my response very carefully…My diagnosis is lymphoma—it is not what “I have”. I do not claim it for myself. As children of God, we can not inherit sickness or disease. I learned that Jesus already paid that price for us.

Cancer is not the truth about who we are. It is a temporary condition of the flesh. Sometimes God allows things into our lives which we cannot begin to comprehend. It is during these times that He is asking “Do you trust Me?”

We must remember God promised that all things work together for good for those who believe. Belief and Trust go hand in hand. Although we make many mistakes, God does not. His plan and His timing are perfect.

WE ARE BLESSED

A gentleman that I met during chemotherapy said to me one day. “You know, we are the lucky ones.” Both of us being pumped full of poison (not feeling particularly lucky)-- I was intrigued. He said, “We have gotten the tap on the shoulder. We value every single moment we are granted and recognize the miracles of every day.”

He is correct, but it goes further than that-- we are blessed to be a blessing. I learned that God is using each one of us to reveal His truth, His word, and working through us for His Glory. When we see cancer patients miraculously healed after science has been exhausted, there can be no doubt that God is God.

I also believe that God uses the doctors, nurses, and research scientists to do His work. Clearly, their lives have a calling. However, the bigger fight lies in the fight of faith. Statistics and percentages do not matter to God. Jesus is not moved by “the odds” against someone. Other human beings do not get to decide how long we will live. Life and death are entirely in our Father’s hands and there is no better place for us to be.

Sometimes the fight is minute to minute. My daily arsenal includes three promises from God’s word: No weapon formed against me shall prosper; If God be for me, who dare be against me?; I shall live and not die and live to declare the works of the Lord.

We are under the authority of the Most High God. He knows everything we need even before we need it. Dr. Stanley taught me to ask God to reveal the areas in my life that need tending and that God is blessing us with this opportunity to draw near to Him.

I think often of two quotes from Joel Osteen’s book—“Stop talking to your God about how big your mountains are and start talking to your mountains about how big your God is.” “With one touch of God’s favor, everything can change.”

WHAT NOW?

I began chemo in September 2006 and finished April 26th 2007. There were times I thought the treatment would kill me. I experienced “routine” side effects, and some not so routine side effects. I remember being too weak and too sick to pray, but God brought to my mind—Psalm 46.10: Be still and know that I AM.

Before my diagnosis, I fancied myself an “athlete”—endurance events. According to my doctor, there is a connection between lymphoma and endurance athletes. My doctor is discouraging me from returning to those activities. I continue to pray for guidance in that area.

I have maintenance doses scheduled every six months for the next two years. (God didn’t say it would be easy!) There were so many times that I had a pity party—a real blowout. Fortunately, God did not give up on me and brought me back to my senses each and every time. Let there be no doubt, He has shown me His faithfulness.

As I watched my father go through years of chemo treatments, I always said I would never be strong enough to go through it myself. I was right. I, by myself, could not. It was only through the power of Christ Jesus that I was able to persevere.

I will have bone marrow tests and PET scans every 3 months for the next three years, then every 4 months for two years, then every 6 months indefinitely. However, I do not need these tests to confirm the truth. Now, one year later, thank you Jesus, I am healed. I will continue to give thanks for and claim my healing every day.

Am I back to my old self? No, thank God. I have been healed and saved from much more than just lymphoma.

Thank you, Father, for the opportunity to run in this race…..and in this triathlon too.